i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
