belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
