I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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