So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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