i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Randomize
