So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
