Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
