Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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