You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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