My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
