Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
