I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize