theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
