Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
