five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
