So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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