I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
