I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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