she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
