she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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