So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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