is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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