What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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