So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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