Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize