her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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