I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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