I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
