my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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