Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
