You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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