can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
