Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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