oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
