i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were destined to go to rehab together
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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