We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
