Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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