Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize