I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
