you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
