apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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