He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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