i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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