i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i love accidental penises.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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