Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
