I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
