Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
