I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
