Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
