big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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