New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
