at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
