I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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