Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
