I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
