Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
