does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ttyl tear gas
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
