Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
