it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
