fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
