they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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