That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
