She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize